negative one.

I'm officially overdue. Nothing seems to be happening, but quite a few people think today will be the day. I am one of those people, but just because it was my guess from about a month ago.

Dearest Elliott,

Everyone wants to see you. Please come today.

I love you.

Mommy

6 hours, 52 minutes.

Make that 51 minutes. Until midnight. Until July 2nd. Until the day that my baby boy is "supposed" to come into this world, but most likely won't. I don't have that feeling that he is ready, but it can all change in an instant. I thought maybe the storms would provide some help, but so far nothing.

My doctor is on vacation anyway, so holding out for a few more days isn't horrible, but I would much rather meet my little guy right now. I have no idea if I have progressed anymore in the last week, and hopefully will be in the hospital before next Wednesday, so it won't even matter.

Although I am not technically overdue, I am anticipating it. And so it makes me worried. What if he doesn't want to come on his own at all? It happens. Some babies are just far too comfy in there. But I desperately want that experience. I want my water to break sending me into a surprised panic. Or at the very least, I want the regular contractions. I want to be a slave to the clock. I want to call his daddy at work and let him know that it is time. Or wake him up out of a deep sleep. I want the unknown. The excitement.

I do not want to go to the hospital and force him out. I do not want him to have to experience a labor brought on by medication. I want it to be as peaceful and long as he wants it to be. And I fear that going into the hospital will give us a time limit that we are not ready for. I do not want this to turn into a c-section just because I am "wasting" their time.

So I pray that this little boy is sent to us on time or before they try to force him out. And I talk. I try to convince him that it is okay out here. I tell him that we are ready and we love him. But I know that he has to make his own decision. He has to be ready. And when he is, I will be ready for him.