four.

Dear Elliott,

You are already too much like me. I understand it is comfortable in there, but mommy really needs you out. Or at least dropped down a bit. You are pushing against my ribs, and I am convinced that you are doing serious damage in there. I can deal with you making me wait extra days to meet you, but I can't deal with the pain you are causing me.

Today seems like a really good day to come out. It is going to rain, which means it won't be crazy hot. And daddy won't have to work a double tomorrow if you decide to make your appearance. Your grandma thinks you will come out today, too. I know you probably have other plans, but maybe you can just work with us on this one? I would really appreciate it.

I love you more than everything.

-Mommy

Ps. If you don't come by Wednesday morning, I am going to ask Dr. Turner when we can get you out. I want you give you your time, so if you feel like dropping, you can stay in for as long as he will allow.

eleven.

I think I'm in for a wake up call...

It puts everything in perspective to look back and realize that the first day of summer had just about 50 days until my due date. FIFTY. It feels like it was just yesterday, which makes me hopeful that even if he holds out for 17 more days, or even a few more, I can make it and it will be here before I know it.

I cannot wait for Elliott to be here to teach me new things about love and life. Just when I think I am ready, I decide I very well may not be. There is so much that I wish I could be prepared for, but I simply can't. So many different studies about how the baby should sleep, how often you should feed them, keeping up with product recalls...

Should I allow them to give him the routine vaccines after delivery? Should he get the eye ointment? Do I allow him to have a pacifier before we have established breastfeeding? How long until I should give him a bottle?

There are so many decisions to be made for his first few hours of life and I don't want to do anything wrong. I want him to have the best chance. I don't want to do something and find out down the road that I actually harmed him more than I helped. But I guess that is what learning is all about. Sometimes you fall down, but that doesn't mean that everything has been a failure.

Is this forever?!

18 days left and it feels like it is never going to happen. We are in the home stretch and I know that it can technically happen any day now, but it doesn't seem likely. Contractions have picked up a bit, but no other signs of labor have shown up.

I get checked for dilation on Wednesday and that will either make me more positive, or more pessimistic. I am hoping for some good news. I need something to keep me going these last 18 +/- days.

And just when I think I won't be able to go another day, my little man starts going crazy in my belly. I will miss having him all to myself, but getting to look into his little eyes and tell him how much I love him will be the most amazing feeling in the world.

I'm going to be a mom!